Distorted reality

Who am I?

Today I have turned 30..

30 years ago things could have been so different. I always wonder what life would have been like? Could have been like?

I know people may think I am being selfish, I was fortunate enough to be adopted and live a different life but that doesn’t make me feel less of the black sheep of the family.  I missed out on celebrating siblings birthdays, watching them achieve and grow, and building that loving relationship, that I wish so much I could have.

Building a relationship is easy to a point but there is not enough time for me to learn about what each individual sibling has gone through, challenges, achievements; I have to just accept that I missed out on a large portion of their lives and I can’t get that time back.

The older I get the more I consider the situation my biological mum would have been in and my heart hurts for her.I don’t think I could ever go through what she went through. It must have been very confusing and difficult for her.

I don’t know if that is a normal feeling for someone who was given up at birth – would many feel hate? anger? abandonment? I won’t sit here and deny that growing up I definitely felt those feelings but I have learnt more from 30 years ago, and she had no choice, to be honest I think the decision was made by medical professionals! She had no say…that must have been so difficult for any mum meeting her new daughter for the first time.

I’ve never quite put two and two together but it is safe to say that it may have affected me more than I’ve ever realised. I was always told I was adopted and made to feel like it was normal, so I never truly thought what it all meant to me. I just took it with a pinch of salt – it was my life, it was to not be questioned.

But let’s strip it back and question..

Who am I?

Really?

…….

Until next time, Amy

 

 

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