Life is a rollercoaster

Sometimes I swear musicians write songs for me to find during difficult times. Ronan definitely was correct ‘Life is a rollercoaster, I just gotta ride it!’  I can’t fight it or change it. Even if I wish I could go back and never have lived through it, it will be another life lesson. Don’t fall for someone who hurt you once and never loan money to someone who clearly doesn’t have your best interests at heart.

I honestly wasn’t going to address this, as I felt it was too private but why should I hide it, I didn’t do anything wrong, but I did learn to not trust everyone. Betrayal is a difficult topic for me! I’ve had a few relationships now where they have ended with betrayal not only with the boyfriend but usually one of my friends too.

Sadly I feel like I was an easy target, going through some things and struggling with my mental health – they must have seen me coming! And they really did use me to their advantage – I say they because I became friends with my boyfriend’s sister who kept a big secret from me and waited to drop the bombshell once I was finally trying to get my life back on track. I feel like she did this intentionally, perhaps hoping that I would crumble and go back to being her friend.

So as of now I have completed week 2 of training at my new job and things are on the up. I hadn’t seen my friend/the ex’s sister for a few days because I was busy at work and then pretty tired when I got home. She didn’t seem too impressed with this, as I didn’t have as much time during the week to spend time with her.

By this time, I had already broken up with my ex boyfriend; so what I don’t understand is why did she wait until this time to drop a bombshell!?! Why didn’t she feel the need to tell me when she found out at Christmas?! Or once I’d broken up with him?! Instead she sat and listened to me about my worries, about my emotions and knew all along that he really didn’t care about me.

The thing is the betrayal doesn’t end with her. Her fiance knew and so did her friends. She admitted to my face that she laughed about me when she first met me, because I was clearly so naive and couldn’t see what was going on. She admitted that once she got to know me, her feelings changed. She stopped talking to her brother, she lead me to believe it was because she was unhappy that he had borrowed £1500 from me but in fact that had absolutely nothing to do with it!

So as of last Monday, I found out that whilst I was spending time at my boyfriend’s house with his family at Christmas, he had also just got engaged to another girl that day. Apparently they have been together on and off for years. My friend found out then and still acted like she knew nothing.

Fast forward five months to last Monday when she finally told me the truth. The next morning she texted me and said that they all felt better now that I knew what was really going on but she didn’t think that I had a right to be angry with her or him as I was no longer with him. How am I meant to turn off the physical anger I felt, the betrayal from both of them and the disgust of how she had pretended to be my friend for five months and lied to my face every day when I spoke to her about him and asked for advice at times!?

It’s a shame that they really wasted so many months of my life but I have to say thank you to both of them as I now know what I truly do not want in my life and nor will I fall victim to it again! It has also given me the strength to fight for what I want. I am still in my new job and I didn’t crumble and leave. I will not move away from here because of what they did, I will stay and show them how although it hurt me, it doesn’t define me and I am able to pick myself back up and ride the rollercoaster!

Until next time…Amy

 

 

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