Unable to explain

Today is a strange day, today I can’t explain how I feel. Admittedly, job hunting is a little harder than I expected. Due to this I have not been working since 22nd January 2018, even with a number of telephone and face to face interviews in toe. This has had a negative impact on my mental health. I made the choice to move to the seaside and take on a new career in a care home because I finally felt and let myself believe that my hip pain was finally gone.

Now I feel very stupid for believing that this could ever have been the case and I feel like my ‘hips’ will always be in control and affect my life choices. I am now more limited than before; panic attacks and anxiety eventually led to me leaving the call centre, I could no longer handle the pressure after 6 years.

So today marks yet another increase of antidepressants, following a mistake at my last doctors appointment. I am getting better at speaking to people about how I am feeling and noticing when things are becoming too hard. He and I discussed upping my antidepressants and being referred to a cpn in the meantime. Due to my lack of attention, I left that appointment having previously been described 40mg of fluoxetine and left with a new prescription of 30mg.

It took me a week of anxiety, extreme panic attacks and too scared to leave my house before I realised our mistake. Since then I have been increased to 60mg and admittedly my mood is all over the place.

Have you ever felt like you are in a day dream and the whole world is passing you by? That is the best way I can explain how I currently feel. I hope and pray that now with a CPN appointment arranged, I can finally feel back to my more content self…

Until next time..

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