I reached the final straw, at the age of 29 and I could no longer handle the career, sector and job role that I was in. Bit harsh right? Lots of people questioned my decisions, some referred to – would I be fit to do anything else due to my hips??! – or What if I regretted my decision?! My parents panicked because it took for them to leave the country for me to realise that I can make my own decisions. I am not saying that they would try and stop me but I would unlikely have taken the alone time to think about what I wanted and what I would like to achieve.
Let’s rewind a little, I returned back to the call centre job in February 2017, following a bout of depression. I struggled to get back into the targets, pressures, sales and overall stress of my job. It’s not something I’m new to, I have worked for this company for over 6 years, however my initial role was to change tv subscriptions and now I was expected to do 6 or 7 different roles, under the same wage and same time constraints. On my return, I decided that it was time to look for a new job but honestly, I didn’t know what I wanted to do.
I initially applied for more call centre work because it is all I know and something that I know I am good at. However, following my return to work and all the added pressures, I started having panic attacks and dealing with anxiety; this soon stopped me in my tracks and I decided that I would not be able to deal with the pressure of an interview and revoked my applications. I decided I had to stay where I was, until I was better.
Let’s fast forward to August 2017 and I was struggling to go into work, I would feel like I couldn’t breathe, by the time I started getting near to my work, it took a lot of effort on my part to go in the door; as I felt trapped. I had a very stressful customer on the last shift I worked that month – I looked for advice from a fellow manager however there was no support offered.
My abnormal thought process included: I don’t know how to make the customer happy > Everything I say is not good enough! > I need to get help! > There’s no help/support available. > I need to get out of here.. > I can’t breathe!!! I scheduled a call back with my manager for the following day and when I finally left the building, I knew I’d never want to return.
This isn’t a negative post. This is just what it took for me to realise that I needed to make changes for myself and for my health. Whilst I was working there, I lost interest in writing. I felt like there was nothing positive to write about and I had already made a decision that my blog was to be in relation to happier times. One which I knew this wasn’t. So I stayed silent.
Back to present time, I was off sick until 11th October 2017, I attempted on a few occasions to return back to work but my initial few attempts allowed me to park near the building but I couldn’t find the push I needed to walk inside. On my third attempt, I made it to the first meeting regarding targets and new added pressures, and I left mid panic attack.
After more than 6 years I left the company on Wednesday 18th October and I have already felt like a massive weight has been taken off my shoulders. I realised the initial reason for working in that role with that specific company was to give back to people. Whether that be to talk to the elderly widow who didn’t need any actual financial help but was lonely and called to speak to someone or so that I was able to help someone in a time of need. Sadly, it came apparent that the company and the pressures that they were putting on staff meant that this was no longer something that they wanted us to do.
If you would like to learn more, I will see you next time.