The only way is up

So I’ve learnt only you can choose your lifestyle. Pick yourself up when you’re feeling down. Everyone else has their own lives going on and may not realise how lonely you are feeling. They may not realise until you reach out to them but you may not want to do that; in fear of embarrassment, in fear of judgement, in fear of being made to feel even more alone.

So I’ve decided I must take charge, only I can make the necessary changes to make myself happy again. And therefore firstly, I challenge myself to do more. More than the typical day to day life things. More than living my life during the three days that I’m at work and then going into hiding for the other four. I need to learn to really have a smile on my face, not just the one that I put on when I walk into my workplace and the one I take off at the end of my day.

It’s sad to admit that almost one year today, my five year relationship crumbled and I lost a close friend; in the space of a few days. Today, is also the one year anniversary to the day that I moved out of my ex boyfriend and I’s flat and into my own. I have been living independently for one whole year – I should be proud and I am!! I just feel like I should have accomplished more in one year, than I have.

I will be honest with myself. This past year I have found out who I am and what my passions are and what I like about myself and what I need to love more about myself. I also realised that although I am feeling lonely, I won’t be re-making friends with people that I have removed from my life, as I removed them for a reason. I have also had 3 failed attempts to date, guys wasting my time, but they have shown me what I’m not looking for. They have also shown me that I need to focus on me and in time, if I find someone then I hope by then, I will be ready for a relationship.

It’s funny but I have finally realised that I am worth more than the random men trying to message me on POF or Tinder at 11pm at night. I deserve better! And for that reason, I followed a stranger’s advice and removed myself from the sites. If I remember correctly, you tend to meet someone when you’re not looking; so I’ve decided to put my faith into what will be, will be.

Now I have decided on a second challenge, this one is just as important, to make an effort to leave my flat on my days off, even if it is just for an hour. As it’s never good for anyone’s mental health to sit indoors for three/four days in a row. In fact, the only benefit of hitting rock bottom; the only way is up!

Until next time…

 

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