Sitting Struggles

Recently there was a beer festival at my local rugby club and sadly I couldn’t attend due to lack of seating. Apparently most people sit on the grass or stand, neither of which I could do for a long period of time. In fact the last time I tried to sit on the ground, I was in my living room and I was clearing out the bottom shelf of my bookcase.

Stupidly, it wasn’t until I was on the ground, that I questioned how the heck I was going to get back up. A few panicked text messages and I managed to pluck up the courage and slide over to my couch and pull myself up. That day I learned that I just can’t sit on the floor.

I don’t know if it is due to fear that I’m scared to do it again. In all honesty, I’ve become frightened of the unknown since my surgery and worry that I will do something to break it (my THR) – which I think would be difficult. I’ve always wondered if when they cut through my bum muscles during surgery, it could have caused some weakness? My scar goes from my bum round my hip and down my thigh. (Sorry if that grosses you out!!) In fact, if you look at my bum, it looks like I have an area missing.

If the muscles in my bum and hip area have weakened, it might explain why I find it tough to sit up straight in bed too. The feeling reminds me of my skinnier days; where I had no bum and all I could feel was bone. However, I have a bigger, rounder bum these days, so that’s definitely not the case. I’m feeling like this might be a little TMI?!

So does our bum muscles strengthen during our childhood and gradually become stronger over the years. I’m guessing it’s more than likely! I can’t compare to normal child development, as it took me a good while to walk etc. I was born with a dislocated hip and twisted thigh. I required surgery as a baby, where they put a metal plate and 4 screws into my hip and then I was in frog plaster for 4 to 6 months. I’m sure the cast went from my waist to my feet and there was a metal bar in between my legs.

This is a photo of me at my foster mums house before I was adopted:

frog plaster

Back to the beer festival: I knew that I was missing out on a great day and I couldn’t pretend that I was having a great time. On my own. In the flat. Watching TV. It did become harder to ignore; when I could see everything going on via Facebook. Even the little green eyed monster showed itself, when one of my closest friends tagged my boyfriend in a post, I loved their picture and they looked like they were having a great time. But I just kept thinking that should be me!

I know I haven’t posted recently and that is due to not knowing what to post. I don’t feel like I do a lot of fun things or socialise enough, to have topics to discuss. It had also became quite apparent that this platform had turned into somewhere that I felt I could complain which disappointed me as that was never my intention. Unfortunately, things just haven’t turned out the way I had hoped.

I am now 14 months post op and still going strong. I still enjoy writing and sharing my experiences. Now all I need to do is push my motivation in to other areas of my life.

Until next time.

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