Losing track

I’ve just realised it’s been 2 weeks and I forgot to post something. I do have a justified reason: I could barely hold a conversation together during my first few days of tramadol, let alone write a blog post. Even a few days ago, I went out to run some errands and felt sort of ‘floaty’ – as if someone else was walking around and it wasn’t me. Not such a lovely feeling!

I don’t know if that’s due to medication or the fact I was stuck in the house for 4 days resting. I also managed to squeeze 15 hours of sleep in too. Made me feel totally delusional! And I certainly didn’t feel well rested. See, I’ve been having very realistic dreams; I should probably call them nightmares. I don’t feel like I’ve actually had any sleep and at times I wake up every few hours. Certainly not the most peaceful of sleeps.

I don’t know how to prevent these life like dreams – waking up and questioning whether they actually happened. And heaven forbid my boyfriend does anything wrong in my dream, I sometimes wake up still angry at him. This morning is a prime example; he knows not to take it seriously. He said it was like I was still in a sleep state telling him what he did and that I called him [insert rude name] Although I still recall the whole thing when I finally woke up.

I don’t know if this is due to tramadol or the combination of 30mg Nortriptylene (nerve pain) medication. I’m sure you don’t want to know about my dreams. Although if you know how to interpret dreams I’d love to know the meaning of this recurring dream: someone stealing my bank details and spending all my money.

Don’t worry I’m not that lazy, I just researched it. Apparently it means; “….you feel like someone is stealing your power or taking advantage of you.” Or “..your power is eluding you or you don’t know where you will find the energy to move forward”. Stephen Klein*.

I could definitely agree with the energy part. I feel like I’m stuck in a rut and at times I feel sorry for myself and other days I don’t want to do anything but sleep. I usually struggle to find the ‘get up and go’ and I wish I could spread the enthusiasm( I use to get up for work) over the whole week. For some reason getting up early on my days off means 10.30am at a push.

I know work probably isn’t the best example. However, whether I’ve had less than 4 hours sleep or in extreme pain, I somehow manage to get up and ready for work. I’ll put my hands up (in embarrassment) and admit that on days where I don’t need to leave the house – I don’t even get dressed. Now if I break this down, I work Wednesday,  Thursday and Friday which means there’s more days that I dont have a justified reason to leave the house and I struggle to find the motivation to do anything.

I’m hoping now as the weather becomes better and the sun continues to shine. It will brighten my mood.  I love sitting out in the back garden with a good book, washing drying on clothes line and the smell of spring in the air. Onwards and upwards I say!

Until next time.

* http://dreamstop.com/money-dream-symbol/

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