Is it fair?

It’s been a while since I’ve cried myself to sleep…..

Last night I came to the realisation that I may have to use a crutch to enable me to walk on my right hip/leg and this terrifies me. My pain has severely increased since my last post.

Do you know what’s funny? It was only a few months ago, that I was writing a blog post about my achievements and no longer using crutches was one of them. As you can imagine; this isn’t a decision that I’ve taken lightly. For me; using crutches will feel like and will be, taking a massive step backwards.

And I’m not going to lie, I’m petrified that I may have to go through another hip replacement. I know what you’re thinking! Slight over-reaction? And I would agree, if I hadn’t felt this pain before……

One of the main reasons I started this blog; was to tell people about my personal experience and recovery after my hip replacement. I wanted to write about something positive i.e. the hurdles I’d completed and what life will look like on the other side.

I certainly could never have imagined less than one year post op, I’d be dealing with the same pain again in my right hip. Now please don’t think I’m unappreciative in any way regarding my left hip replacement. As I’m eternally grateful!

I’ve heard so many shocking stories; waiting lists being years long, operations being cancelled or people being told they are too young*.

*I struggle to understand this – how can a surgeon decide when a person is too young? Granted, I understand that a prothesis will last longer when you are less agile. However, I disagree that age should be one of the main factors. I believe  the decision should be based on how much pain you are in or how little to no quality of life you have.

I sympathise dearly with men and women who are in their 30’s, 40’s and even 50’s, being told they are too young to have the surgery. Some arthritis sufferers have been dealing with the pain for 20 plus years and are asked to continue to suffer.

The reason I bring up the age factor, is because I know of the struggle too. It took me four, very painful years to finally have the consultant consider me a candidate. And even now I know I was one of the lucky ones.

It did frustrate me that I was only allowed the surgery when it was obvious I had hit rock bottom. When it was clear to my consultant that I had no quality of life and was finding it very difficult to cope with my pain any more. I still don’t understand why he allowed it to get that far?

I can promise I try not to dwell but in the back of my head – I’m questioning how many more years of my life, will I have to lose? Before being given the go ahead again, if required.

I remember something my mum told me when I was growing up. She would always get me to think about people who had it worse than me. At times, it helped and to this day – I try to think about others. But I’m not going to deny that sometimes, I do feel sorry for myself too. Not everyone is perfect…..

Until next time.

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